Fighting Discouragement

Mar 11, 2024

My first major breakdown in law school was two weeks after we resumed. I didn’t realise how much I had been holding in until that day. I was frustrated, tired and already over it. I cried thrice that day and no one could really comfort me in those moments. I felt so embarrassed because someone said to me, ‘If you’re crying now what will happen when you get to the end of the year?’

For context I went to Bar 1 in Abuja and although it’s termed as an ‘introduction’ into Bar 2, they are largely different. Dresses I wore multiple times in Bar 1 automatically became contraband in Lagos. Leather shoes I walked in for 3 months were not to be seen because they were patent and not ‘true leather.’ Everyday it seemed like a new rule was being made and I couldn’t keep up. As frustrating as this was, the student affairs were the least of my problems.

Coming into a class of 900 people from different backgrounds was quite the experience. It felt like everyone was so smart and I had borrowed a brain. People would quote sections of laws, cite cases I had never heard of, complete lecturers sentences and answer questions with so much accuracy that it left my mouth ajar. Some had even read the syllabus three times before resumption and were merely refreshing their memory during lectures. Every five minutes we were either giving someone a ‘sound clap’ or discovering plausible red scollers.

My class was filled with the Best Graduating Students from various universities in Nigeria, people who had studied law as a second degree or at both undergraduate and Masters level, worked in or had affiliations with the government and law enforcement agencies. Everyone but me seemed to have things under control (well so I thought, till I realised that people were quite good at masking and processing things differently) . Due to this, I believed the lie that I was an imposter and I didn’t deserve my place at the Nigerian law school.

The thought to quit plagued me on this day but deep down I knew I couldn’t. I had come TOO far to turn back. So many events and sacrifices led to me being at NLS so where could I really go?

I’ve always been taught to stick things through and giving up because things were hard didn’t seem like a good enough reason.

Depending on where you’re at in the semester, these words might resonate deeply with you or might not make sense till much later. Here are some things that helped me fight discouragement in my thoughts:

A good cry.

Trust me there’s no prize for holding your tears back. Release them as often as they come. It is a sign that you are actually in tune with your emotions and no it is NOT a sign of weakness. The day I referenced at the start of this newsletter saw me crying myself to a nap. When I woke up, it felt like I could take on the world and I can confidently say that was when things turned around for me. If you’re reading this and you’re typically the ‘strong’ friend, please allow yourself to feel. You can only comfort others when you have been comforted.

Understanding that my feelings were not a fact.

Although I felt like an imposter, I knew I was not an imposter. To get into the Nigerian Law School you have to possess a law degree from a Nigerian University or a foreign university with a Council of Legal Education accreditation. I didn’t steal my certificate or obtain it by fraud so I actually earned my place. The question of me feeling unqualified came from a place of comparison and other factors. I would talk in subsequent letters about the importance of running your race and ‘doing what works for you.’

The words I spoke with my mouth.

We often refer to the power of the tongue when it comes to life or death situations but our words shape our reality more than we realise. One of my seat partners, Dolapo, was very dogged about this. We had a lecturer in Lagos who fondly stated that her course was the determining factor for those who would pass Bar Finals. She constantly the referenced multiple years where people had come back to resit because they failed.

My friend would often murmur ‘God forbid, I would not come back to write (the named course)’ and she would often counter every negative word. One might think that her approach was extreme but who knows? What if she accepted those words and they constantly lingered in her mind? She would have approached studying from a place of fear or even a defeated mindset.

Curating NLS affirmations also played a huge role. Two key things I’ve learnt about affirmations are;

They hit different when they speak to your current/ specific circumstance.
Downloads and templates are great but they are most effective when they are written out by you.

All my affirmations were based on scripture/ the character of God. I tweaked them as often as I needed to because at several points in law school, I needed encouragement in different areas. (understanding, time, strength etc.)

I also tried to say them every morning but there were times I would say them during the break when nothing in the lecture made sense. As much as I was greatly supported by community throughout my time at law school, there were seasons when I had to encourage myself in the Lord and this did it for me.

Actually putting in the work.

After acknowledging how I felt, I began to question why everyone seemed ten steps ahead of me.

The answer was simple. They prepared for classes before coming.

I didn’t complete my registration early so I didn’t have a group for a few weeks. When I finally joined my group, I realised that pre-class assignments as well as additional reading was shared in the groups.

The reason most people were able to ‘talk law’ was because they ‘read law.’

The moment I was assigned to a sub-group and started attempting the pre-class assignments, I was no longer as lost during lectures. Note my choice of words because sometimes your lecture notes won’t make sense till after you’ve gone back to reflect on them. But for the most part, it helped.

I didn’t put in the work to compete with anyone or to answer questions for recognition. I simply did it for me. So I could be more at ease.

I wish I could say it was always one and done but fighting discouragement is something I constantly had to do in law school. I’m glad that I fought it till the end and didn’t give up.

By God’s grace, you would too.

”I repeat, be strong and brave! Do not yield to fear nor be discouraged, for I am Yahweh your God, and I will be with you wherever you go!”

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Here’s a thread to help kickstart your affirmation journey ;

sowhataboutfaith